I was feeling accumulated stress tonight, too much outward focus on life happening around me and not tending to the effects of that external energy flow within me. As a healer, I know the importance of self-care, and as a teacher, I ensure the tone of the first lesson is: "you can't heal anyone else unless you first heal yourself." Of course, there are two caveats I need to add to this mantra: 1. the Braucher is not the one doing the healing, it is God working through the Braucher, and- 2. humans are fallible, vulnerable beings; we are on a lifelong healing journey. Therefore, as conduits through which the healing energy and grace of God flow, it is important that Brauchers commit to a consistent self-care regimen for physical, mental, and emotional health to help clear, reduce, and heal not only residual effects of working in the capacity of a healer and the painful emotions that can be conjured up as a result. but also the organic stress that happens within each of us as human beings navigating out own lives complete with family, work, financial, and life hurdles.
As a result of the internal turmoil I felt this evening, I threw on my running shoes and headed out into the snow. I began running down the street, toward the churches; the cold air hit my face and made me feel alive, as if to say, "wake up!" I felt light and carefree as I bound down the vacant road. I felt my body leading me exactly where I needed to go; the cemetery behind Zion Lutheran Church. My heart felt as though it were being guided there. As I rounded the corner, I bounced into the row of graves near the church, some of the first to be buried in the Boalsburg Cemetery. I went directly to the grave of Susannah (Hubler) Johnstonbaugh, of whom I am a descendant of the 7th generation in my maternal bloodline of grandmothers. Susannah was born in 1783 and she died in 1855. I spent a few minutes there, in the cemetery, in the snow, to talk to her. To connect to my bloodline; the strong women who came before me. I felt her presence within me as I prayed. I felt strength as more of my maternal ancestors spoke through me during prayer. I asked them for answers to my questions, and instead I received a glimpse of the hardships suffered through previous generations, and my responsibility to carry good work forward as a strong woman, and authentic person. I completed my prayer with gratitude as I continued on my run.
Darkness took over as I entered the local trails, yet I had no fear. Brauchers tend to lean into solitude. Perhaps we all have different reasons for wanting to be alone; for me, it is the experience of total peace and bliss that comes with absolute absorption into nature. Where you can hear God speak through his Creation; the wind in the trees, the birds in the air, water flowing; or, in the case of this evening, snow crunching under foot, tiny ice particles kissing the newly fallen snowflakes, the fresh edge of cold and the dark edge of the unknown ahead on the path. Faith in my next stride forward. Doing so on my own two feet, with my own two legs, by my own will, in the presence of God alive in every frozen branch and hibernating tree. In silence and solitude, I find gratitude for all of these things that bring me such joy.
I ended my run feeling open-hearted, happy, and new. Though I did not have a clear answer to my own questions, I had renewed faith in my ability to find the answers. I felt connected- to my ancestors, to the earth, to God. Every Braucher may have their own way of keeping themselves healthy and connected, and your method may change over time. There are many paths up the mountain, pick the one that works for you to be your best self, and the best Braucher for your community.
by Gretchen Swank; 12/15/2022; Photos by Gretchen Swank
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